Kevin's World - A Successful Marriage

In case any of you haven't noticed, I'm a big fan of the New York Times.  This week, they published an article on what comprises a successful marriage, titled "The Happy Marriage is the 'Me' Marriage."  I'm sure that many of you, like me, have gone through life being taught that the key to a successful marriage is selflessness and a willingness to sacrifice for your spouse.  It therefore seems counter-intuitive to think that the successful marriage might be the "me" marriage, as the article claims.  By viewing marriage from an individual perspective, though, perhaps we can discover ways to foster more fulfilling and deeper relationships.

photo courtesy of: purple-wedding-flowers.com

In the article, Tara Parker-Pope claims that marriage has changed from being a social institution to a partnership of individuals.  Many, based on the view of marriage as a social institution, have argued that a successful marriage is one that survives and produces children.  Ms. Parker-Pope challenges that conclusion, arguing that a successful marriage is one in which individuals achieve self-fulfillment and help each other to grow and expand, a concept known as "self-expansion".  While I disagree that the nature of marriage has changed, I do believe that putting an effort into self-expansion can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling marriages.

If marriage is not an institution for individual benefit, as Ms. Parker-Pope claims, then one may question why self-expansion is important to achieving a successful marriage.  One study cited in the article determined that couples that experienced a high degree of self-expansion also felt a greater unity with their spouse.  In today's society, with divorce rates skyrocketing, unity and satisfaction in a marriage has far-reaching effects for married couples and their children.  By putting some effort into expanding our horizons and growing together, we can strengthen our marriages and satisfy our own emotional needs.